Resilience
Professor Paul Gilbert’s three circle model, which describes three emotional regulation systems which all humans have, is an excellent context for exploring resilience.
All three emotional regulation systems are useful. The threat system keeps us safe, the drive system motivates us to do what we need to do to live in the world and the soothing system fosters connection with loved ones and helps us to feel safe and to rest and recharge.
Problems arise when these three systems get out of balance and we spend too much time in the threat and/or drive systems and not enough time in the soothing system. As human beings we are inclined to focus on and ruminate on the things that threaten us and on the seemingly endless things we have to do. This is reinforced by all the threats we hear about in the news and all the things we are told we should be doing to be successful by the media.
If we find ourselves stressed and depleted, then the way to rebalance is to stimulate the soothing system. One way to do this is with meditation practices, which help us to be present.
Simple presence is an important aspect of cultivating resilience. If we are simply present with a situation that is causing us stress, rather than worrying or ruminating about it, then it does not escalate.
To give an example. When I am struggling with an IT issue at my desk. One option is to notice this, be curious about my reaction to the situation, by noticing my thoughts, emotions and body sensations with curiosity and then ask myself how am I relating to this challenge. Maybe I am becoming frustrated, maybe I am anxious that I might be getting it wrong. So I notice this too. Then I can make a choice to continue or to take a break.
If I decide to continue, then because I have noticed the challenge and my reaction to it, I can choose to take a deep breath, feel my feet on the ground and do the next thing necessary.
If I don’t notice the challenge and instead continue to get frustrated or worried and keep thinking about how difficult it all is, how these things never work for me, how rubbish I am at IT, etc, etc, etc. The frustration can quickly escalate to full blown anger or the worry into full blown panic, and the stress piles on.
Another way to cultivate resilience is to explore nurturing activities, which grow our soothing system and depleting activities, which diminish our soothing system. Then we can prioritise doing more nurturing activities and see if we can let go of any depleting activities or at least reframe our attitude towards them if we cannot let them go.
We can also use our imaginations to cultivate a resilience ally with the qualities we need to support us in facing the current challenges in our lives. Then, with practice, when we need to we can bring our resilience ally to mind and take on its qualities.
Another aspect of presence in cultivating resilience is that presence is a portal to our aware being, which is fundamentally ok and so inherently resilient. By cultivating presence and sensitising ourselves and abiding as aware being we can contact this inherent resilience. Aware being is like the space of the sky and challenging experiences are like the weather moving through the space of the sky.
If we over-focus on the weather, the challenging experience, we will be swept away by it. Instead, we can recognise that the space of the sky is never damaged or impacted in any way by the weather. In the same way aware being is never damaged or impacted in any way by challenging experiences. This is our fundamental okness, our inherent resilience, it is always present, but we generally overlook it in the busyness of life.
During the month of July we will be using these approaches to cultivate resilience, as part of our subscription “A Year of Meditation”. Only £9.99 per month, with weekly meet ups, teaching blogs and guided audio to follow.
I hope to see you there!